So Long And Goodbye
by A.L.E
Summary: This is the second part of my AU story that began with "For The Love Of..." It deals with events from a couple of the more recent real-life episodes, enjoy! Read + Review!


Part two of my AU story that started with "For The Love Of..." This one advances the timeline to a couple of the more recent real-life episodes. More to come later. Enjoy and review!!  
  
Disclaimer:If I owned any of this stuff, I wouldn't be writing this here, more like in the Bahamas or somewhere.  
  
  
  
  
So Long And Goodbye  
  
  
Spike closed the refrigerator after he put the supplies inside. He turned to see if she had moved yet, but she still sat slumped in his chair blankly staring at the re-run of some old movie on the tele. She had been there all day. She didn't even acknowledge his words as he had told her he was going to go get some food and supplies for her. The only thing in his fridge had been a half empty jar of blood, and he didn't expect the Slayer to live on that. But now, after his return, she was still sitting there exactly as he had left her. She looked tired, and completely beaten. He couldn't remember ever having seen her this bad.  
The night before, as they finally arrived at Spike's crypt, she had told him to leave her alone. When he persisted that they talk, she had ignored him and crawled into his chair, assuming a fetal position. She never said another word as she cried herself to sleep. Choosing to give her space, Spike had gone downstairs to his newly "acquired" bed and had also fallen asleep. He awoke to the sounds of the tv and went upstairs only to find her staring at shows she wasn't really seeing. He tried to start a conversation, even some small talk, anything to get her to snap out of it. It had been all for not though, as Buffy refused to even look at him. Her gaze was so far out of focus that he was pretty sure she hadn't even heard him.  
Spike stepped around to face her, trying to look into her eyes. Last night and this morning he could forgive, but he thought it was high time they hashed this out. "Buffy." No reaction whatsoever. "Buffy, if your planning on living with me, you're going to have to start talking to me." He waited, but still nothing. He took a deep breath and sighed. "Fine pet, have it your way. You listen, I'll talk." He sat down cross legged in front of her. Making sure he was between her and the television.  
After a couple of moments, he sighed again and started. "Buffy...I know what happened last night must have been hard for you. Maybe harder than anything you've ever done. But it was for the best, luv. You didn't want them, and they didn't want you anymore. Not even your own bleedin' sister. You have to see that." Buffy blinked and lowered her gaze to the floor. "I also know that you being here now isn't really a victory for me. You're only here, at your second choice, because your first choice threw you out. But I love you. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it 'til you believe me. Until you make me first choice and stay here. Stay here, with me, because you want to, not because you're forced to."  
He stared into her downcast eyes for a moment longer before he got up. He turned to switch off the television, and then went downstairs. Several minutes later, he reappeared, carrying a small bag and his black leather coat. He set them down near the door, then turned to see her still sitting staring at the floor. He walked closer to the chair but didn't walk into her line of vision. "Buffy. Buffy you might want to listen to me." She didn't stir. "What I said before about being second place was true wasn't it?" No answer. "I know it is. You don't have to answer. I know that you need a place to stay. That's fine, stay here as long as you like. In fact, you can look after the place for me. There's food...and stuff for you in the fridge. But I can't stay." He lowered his eyes to the floor as well and then lowered his voice. "I remember what it's like to be second. All too well. I even remember what it's like to be lower than that. I wasn't even second to anyone before I became a vampire. And though I know now that I was never actually first with Drusilla, I recall plain as day, what it felt like when I thought I was."  
He looked up at her again as he straightened his shoulders. He wanted to sound strong when he said the rest of what he had to say. Even if he didn't feel strong. "I want to feel that way again. I want to be first again. If I can't make you love me, then I'm damn well gonna make you put me first. Whatever I have to do, I'll do it. I'll make it so I'm the first thing on your mind, everyday. In one way or another, I'll make it so I haunt you, the way you've haunted me." His blue eyes glinted as the strength he wanted finally came to him. " That's why I'm leaving."  
Realization crept into the Slayer's gaze as she slowly lifted her head. She swallowed to moisten her dry throat so she could speak. However, when she tried it came out as a hoarse whisper. "What?"  
Spike took a step towards the chair. He still couldn't see her face, but at least she had finally spoken. "You heard me, Buffy. I'm leaving."  
Buffy grabbed the arms of the chair as she pushed herself up. She stood slowly and turned to look at her vampire antagonist's face for the first time since last night. She had looked at him then to silently ask if he was leaving with her. Now she was looking at him to silently ask if he was leaving without her. "Why?"  
Spike stood his ground but felt the strength he desperately needed, starting to ebb. "I just told you why, luv. But if you need another reason then you need to think back to your human-window days. I told you that if I couldn't have all of you, then I didn't want any of you. I threw you out then, but now you don't have anyplace else to go. So I'm leaving this time. Plus there's something that I've been needing to do."  
She couldn't look at him anymore as she tried to stop the tears from forming. She had cried way too much last night and didn't want to start again now. She absently watched a dust bunny creep across the floor as she spoke. "You're leaving? After what happened last night...after my friends left me...you-" The tears were once again stronger than her will as they slipped silently down her cheeks. "You said you were the only one. You said you accepted me when they wouldn't and now you're leaving too? How can you say you love me when you're leaving me-" She fell to her knees as full blown crying took her breath away. She couldn't take anymore of this and her reason was breaking down. She wanted so badly to get up and make sure that the last person in her life didn't leave her. But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't make him stay anymore than he could. So she sat back on her heels as she let the tears fall unhindered.  
Spike took an involuntary step forward when she dropped to her knees, before he could stop himself. He had to stay put! If he went to her now he would never be able to go. He had to leave and he had to leave soon. "Buffy, I do accept you, and I want to stay, but I can't. Until you find a way to put me ahead of everything else I can't be with you." She didn't look up as he forced himself to turn and grab his bag and coat. At the doorwell he turned once again to look at her. "Go back to them Buffy. Gather them, talk to them. Cry, hug, do whatever it is you sodding people do, but figure it out, pet. Work it out so that I can be first." He felt a wave of rage hit him when she didn't respond. He tried to hold it back as best he could. "Buffy? Do you hear me? This is your one and only shot to make this right. Do you understand?"  
Buffy's eyes blinked to clear her vision. The tears stopped abruptly when the scorned anger surfaced. She slowly lifted her head to glare into his eyes. "I understand. I understand that you're an evil, cold hearted, son of a bitch!" He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but she didn't let him speak. "I understand that when I need you the most, you leave. I understand that you obviously don't know anything about real love, because if you did you wouldn't do this! You keep spouting off about how you love me and how much you care and how much you've changed." Wiping tears from her face, Buffy rose to her feet. "What you need to understand is that you're still an evil, soulless, bastard, that couldn't change for love, even if you actually knew what that was. You said last night that you were always there for me and that you didn't expect anything from me. Only now you expect me to just drop my friends...my family, to be with you. You hurt me and want me to hurt myself, all so that you can feel like you're first! How can you even ask me why I could never love you?"  
With his resolve slipping farther away by the second, Spike hoisted his coat over his shoulder and put his other hand on the handle of the door. He turned to her again, trying to get his point across. "Make-me-first-Buffy. Or else I won't be held responsible for what happens when I come back."  
Buffy's eyes widened incredulously. "Are you threatening me? Because if you are, that will definately get you first! But not on the 'most wanted' list you're looking for!"  
Spike leaned his head forward to look the Slayer dead in the eye. His expression, shadowed as it was in the crypt, almost resembled his demon face. "Say what you will Buffy, but I love you. Find a way to love me. Because if you don't, there's only one other emotion that's strong enough to apply to us. And you won't like that one when I come back. The big love or the Big Bad, your choice, Slayer." With that he opened the door and strode outside, slamming the door behind him.  
Though the anger didn't subside, brand new tears found their way to Buffy's eyes. Confusion, anger, despair, and defeat all vied for control of her. The emotion that won reared it's head as she reached back and grabbed the chair she had been sitting in. In the blink of an eye it was sailing through the air to crash up against the door. Unfortunately for the chair, the door held, and the sitting piece splintered into a dozen fragments. At the same time Buffy slumped to a crumpled sitting position on the floor. She wanted to scream and yell but all she could manage was a whispered, "Damn you, Spike."  
  
Spike was pushing his motorcycle out of its hiding place when he heard something crash and break inside his crypt. He glanced down long enough to kick the stand into place, then once his bike was propped up he took off at a run for the front door. He was just a stride or two away from it when he forced himself to come to a sudden halt. He couldn't go in. If he did it would ruin everything he had just said to her. He wanted badly to take her into his arms and tell her everything would be ok, and that he would never leave. But he couldn't. His unbeating heart told him to go in, but his determined mind told him to turn around and leave town. If he was ever going to get what he wanted from her, then he had to go. . A look of saddened longing played over his visage as he turned and went back to his ride. He pulled it completely from it's stash spot and threw his right leg over it. Once in the seat he kick started it and reved the small motor. With one boot he threw the kick-stand back and let the rear wheel dig a rut in the ground as he sped off towards the road.   
Once there he fish-tailed to a stop and cast a glance back at the small part of his crypt that he could see. The saddened look once again being overrun by an expression of angered determination. Let her tear the whole damn place up! Just goes to show that despite what she thinks, she isn't better than him. He didn't care how she came to a decision, just so long as she did. After a moment he said to the cool night air, "That's right, don't get too comfy Slayer. Because when I get back....for good or bad...things are gonna change."  
  
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Halfway across town, hidden in a bush, Warren fingered the weapon in his hand. He was determined to do this with or without his two fellow crime lords. The Slayer had messed up his plans too many times and then thrown it back in his face. She thought she was better than him, but he was going to show her that she wasn't. He'll show her that in fact, she is beneath him. He just wished that he could do it soon. His legs were cramping up from crouching behind the bush for so long, and his hands were sweating so bad he thought he might drop the gun. Plus, twilight was leaving, and real darkness was settling in. He could barley make out the Slayer's front door let alone anyone coming out of it. But he figured he could still tell a girl from a boy and a blonde from a brunette, and that was all he needed. Just as he was blinking his eyes to get a better focus on the door, it opened. He took one look and then quickly stood up from his hiding place. He couldn't make out much of the person backing out of the door, until blonde hair reflected the porch light's glow. That was good enough for him as his impatience took over. After a couple of hurried steps towards the house, he began shooting.  
  
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Willow followed Tara down the steps towards the front door. Willow inwardly wished her lover could stay, but knew that despite their steamy make-up session, there were still some necessary boundaries. She would live with them until they became unnecessary boundaries. Tara reached the door and turned to her red headed girlfriend. She smiled and leaned forward, indicating her want for a kiss. Willow found the last step and stopped. She didn't want to give in to this whole "goodbye" thing just yet. "You don't have to go, Tara. I know I said this like a hundred times, but you could stay, we could talk." She looked hopefully at the other witch.  
Tara straightened up and smirked her little half smile. "Sorry Wil, but I think you know as well as I do that if I stayed, we wouldn't be talking."  
Willow threw a sly smile back at her target. "Well, I would probably talk alot. Only, in body language. With maybe a few moans thrown in to keep you on your toes."  
Tara cocked an eyebrow. "If I stayed, I wouldn't be on my toes either. Look, I'm sorry. I-I want to stay. But I think we do need to take it at least a little slow. Ok?"  
Willow finally took that last step to the ground floor. She reached forward and took the blonde's hand. "Ok. Whatever you want. I'm good really. I want to make sure we do it right this time too." She smiled again and then leaned forward to get the goodbye kiss she had witheld moments before.  
The two of them caught each other's lips just as Tara turned the handle on the door. She wanted to break contact, but couldn't seem to stop kissing the one person she wanted, that she had finally gotten back. She took a step out of the door but Willow followed. She didn't break the kiss until she was fully out of the door and heard an odd sound.  
Willow didn't want to stop kissing Tara for all the money in the world. She wanted this moment, like alot of their moments together, to stand still in time and last forever. Tara tried leaving but Willow followed her. She would follow her all the way to Tara's place if she could. After all, Tara had said she had to leave here. She never said Willow couldn't go there. Finally Tara pulled back enough to break the kiss, when Willow heard a sound she couldn't quite place.  
Tara started to turn to see what the racket was when she felt an odd sort of sensation sweep quickly through her chest. Suddenly a small piece of the doorframe splintered next to her and a moment later, before she could move or speak, the window to the door's left shattered. She thought she heard someone shouting behind her, but couldn't make out the words. When all the glass had come to rest on the porch, she turned her gaze back at Willow, only to find the ex-wiccan's shirt spattered with what looked like dark red paint. Confused by not only that, but by the fact that her vision was rapidly going black, all she could say was "Willow, your shirt...."  
Willow's mind realized what was going on in time to turn and shield her face as the glass exploded. The sound from outside stopped only to be replaced by a man's voice shouting something about the Slayer. Figures, never a dull moment at Buffy's house. She opened her eyes to try to find the man outside, but as she did, her thoughts caught up to real time. She glanced down and saw the red liquid on her shirt. It looked like wine or...maybe blood. Her startled face tilted upwards as she looked then at Tara. The girl of her dreams looked back at her with an odd blank, confused expression. Tara mumbled something about Willow's shirt and then slumped forward to fall face first to the ground. Willow immediately dropped to her knees, as she got her wish. Time seemed to freeze and it felt as though it were an eternity before she grabbed her lover and turned her over into her lap. Tara's shirt was also now covered in the dark red liquid, only hers wasn't splattered, it was soaked through. All of it running from one particularly dark spot over her heart.  
"Tara? Baby?" Willow couldn't figure out why Tara's body seemed to blur, until she realized she was crying. At the same time, the thought she was unconciously trying to push away, came to the forefront. Tara had just been shot. Willow leaned down to Tara's face to see if she was breathing. She wasn't. "Tara? Please Tara wake up! C'mon baby!" Tears from Willow dripped down onto Tara's face. Time stopped completely as Willow came to the horrible conclusion. Tara was dead.  
Willow continued to sob and placate the unhearing corpse. She held on to Tara fiercly. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe somone had done this. She couldn't believe anything, until her mind settled on one thought. Revenge. She believed with all her heart and soul that whether she could get Tara back or not, that whoever did this would pay! She lifted her vision back to the yard outside the house. She couldn't see anyone. Her gaze fell upon the spot her mind told her she had last glimpsed the person in the yard. As she glared at that spot, the doorframe closest to her line of sight began to singe and eventually sizzle, as if being melted from within. The spot on the ground outside started to smoke and then lit fire. The fire burned white hot and torched the ground black, but only took a moment to do it's job and then wink out of existence.   
She tried so hard to see, so hard to find somebody, that her eyes began to burn. But not with pain. They began to burn with fire. The dark, consuming power she had always done her best to stay away from. Her eyes glazed over black only to have the fire spring from her pupils and light the blackness with the searing magic. Willow cast her head back and reveled in the feeling of the power, that would let her tear the world apart, to get her revenge. 


End file.
